Seattle, WA—In what Amazon is calling a breakthrough feature, the Kindle e-reader will automatically pop up the definitions of words that you improperly use all the time but swear you know. “I was sick of Greg constantly using cliché as an adjective,” said Daryl, a software development manager who designed the new update and wanted to remain anonymous. “It’s a noun. My ideas are not cliché. If anything, they have clichés. Which they don’t. It’s been maddening. But God forbid, you correct Greg. He won’t listen to me. But he will listen to technology.” 

 

Engineers capitalized on Alexa’s system of listening in on conversations at home when people think they’re alone. “It was a lot of work. Multiple teams had to coordinate to cull billions of private conversations, identifying problem words, and then incorporating those words into your Kindle device. So when the word appears in a book you’re reading, the definition immediately pops up and stays on your screen for thirty seconds. That way, people can’t just ignore it.” 

 

Reception to the new update has been mixed. 

 

Ana Ng has used her Kindle for eight years and loves the new feature. “I’ve learned so much,” she said. “Did you know irregardless is not a word? Even though it sounds so right. It’s amazing they can hone in on all my mistakes. Of course, it takes me about three times as long to get through a book.” 

 

Not everyone is so excited.

 

Manuel Rodriguez has used his Kindle for two years now and is going back to traditional books. “I’m pissed. Don’t tell me how to speak. I speak fine. No one tells me how to speak. Except my mother. Or my girlfriend. Sometimes my boss. I’d literally shoot myself in the face than use this feature.”  

 

Recently, Daryl and his research team got a surprise. “It started doing whole phrases in real-time, not just single words. All by itself. The other day I had my Kindle open while talking to a colleague and up popped ‘begs the question.’ Apparently, it doesn’t mean to raise the question. It means ‘assumed.’ Can you imagine how many people I’ve annoyed over the years by misusing that phrase? It’s embarrassing.” 

The program also allows a user to help their friends and colleagues. “If someone’s annoying the hell out of you by always saying “ironic” when they mean “unfortunate,” just enter their information into our system and if they have a Kindle, the definition will pop up.” 

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Asked if this was an invasion of privacy, Daryl shook his head. “We’re very sensitive to privacy. You can turn it off any time by signing into our site, answering a few security questions, and confirming your identity.” He chuckled and winked. “But it begs the question, if you want to improve your life, there’s going to be compromise.”  

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